Spain was still a fascist dictatorship when Microsoft was founded.
There were no classes in calculus in Harvard’s curriculum for the first few years because calculus hadn’t been discovered yet.
Two empires [Roman & Ottoman] spanned the entire gap from Jesus to Babe Ruth.
When the pyramids were being built, there were still woolly mammoths.
The last use of the guillotine was in France the same year Star Wars came out.
Oxford University was over 300 years old when the Aztec Empire was founded.
Pablo Picasso died the year Pink Floyd released “Dark Side of the Moon” (1973)
Prisoners began to arrive to Auschwitz a few days after Mc’Donalds was founded.
Coca-Cola is only 31 years younger than Italy.
Marilyn Monroe and Queen Elizabeth II were born in the same year.
The Ottoman empire still existed the last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series.
The first wagon train of the Oregon Trail heads out the same year the fax machine is invented.
Nintendo was founded at the same time Jack the Ripper was on the loose.
We put a man on the moon before we put wheels on a suitcase.
Oreos were invented the same year the Titanic sank.
The Mongols fought the Crusaders and the Samurais at the same time.
Cleopatra lived closer to the moon landings than she did to the building of the Pyramids of Giza.
This post is hilarious if you read assuming a cause and effect.
I’m really glad that the Ottoman Empire fell so that Babe Ruth could be finally born. Egyptians built the pyramids to kill off the mammoths, Star Wars got the Guillotine banned, Pink Floyd killed Picasso to promote their album, Marilyn Monroe and Queen Elizabeth II are secret twins, Jack the Ripper founded Nintendo and humanity collectively agreed that until we put a man on the moon we didn’t DESERVE suitcase wheels.
you know when its late at night and youre about to walk back into your bedroom after going to pee and theres always that guy on all fours in the dark at the end of the hallway looking at you just as you walk back through the door? whats up with him? whats he about?
IMAGINE HEARING ABOUT THE DUDEBRO LIVING NEXT TO U IN THE DORMS “yah dave dropped out cuz he built a fucking person”
victor frankenstein was a little bITCH and he had no degree at all, he was at college for like, a year and then he was like “lol these bitches ain’t got nothing on me” and he just got an apartment and stopped going to school so he could build a person. i don’t think he even formally dropped out, he just kind of disappeared and nobody even questioned it because that’s what you expect when some cocky asshole comes to class like “i know more than everyone in this school and one day i’m going to prove it by ending dEATH ITSELF”
fucking bullshit victor, come home and eat some goddamn soup you wussass teenager
fucking trashass motherfucker 19 year old sin machine
go get ur liver pecked by birds u mess of a human being
i am never going to let the world forget that victor frankenstein spent 90% of the novel moping instead of doing literally anything else. actual quote from emo kid victor frankenstein “my only solace was silence – deep, dark, deathlike silence” like HOW EXTRA
You’d almost think Mary Shelly was taking inspiration from someone she knew….
Leave Lord Byron alone
Lord Byron deserves what he gets and he knows it
Let’s not forget that Lord Byron was part of the Romantic movement, which was a bunch of emo weeaboo libertarians taking over lit and art. Let’s not forget that the man was so emo he underwent a self-imposed exile just so he could mope dramatically.
Let’s not forget
that the Byronic Hero is basically a cockblocked Edward Cullen.
Let’s not forget that Lord Byron was so emo that his ex-wife, Baroness Anne Isabella Wentworth, made her daughter Ada Lovelace study math and computer science so that she wouldn’t catch being a terrible emo kid from any poetry her father had left lying around the estate.
Let me restate that last part: Lord Byron was so emo his ex made Ada Lovelace into a programming super genius and the world’s first hacker girl just so she’d be analytical enough not to turn emo like her dad.
Once
upon a time (this is a
game Brian plays with himself, on the bus, in the coffeehouse, at three in the
morning when the sky is the indescribable color you only see in an overcast sky
above a city. A game, except the fun went out of it long ago, and now it’s
something crueler. Self-flagellation, maybe). Once up on a time there was a boy and a girl who tumbled into a
fantasy world together. Once upon a time
there was a boy who betrayed the world and a girl who saved it, and they were
both sent home again. Once upon a time
–
It’s been ten years.
Brian’s twenty-three now, for the second
time, and Erin has just given up.
Once
upon a time there was boy
and a girl, and they were angry.
(a little comic about bitter ex heroes and remembering. the evolution of this post, and part of a much longer story. this first part in text form here)
i’m gonna buy the book about a bbw fucking a bear who is also a billionaire
KAT DON’T DO IT. DON’T READ ABOUT FUCKING A BEAR
YOU’RE TOO LATE, NO ONE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO
AND THEY’RE NOT JUST BEARS
THEY’RE BRO BEARS
KAT NO
KAT NO OOO. NO
i finished it last night and here is what you need to know about this book
it is never explicitly stated that Janna is a black woman but repeated references are made to her ‘rich brown skin’ and ‘tight curls’ and ‘plump lips’ and also the words sassy, strong, and independent are used excessively
the bear thing is pretty much just an excuse to have really huge buff dudes who fall in love at first sight. there is no bear sex. i was totally waiting for the kinky bear sex and it never happened. they weren’t even that hairy. bear bros are pretty vanilla, it turns out.
bear bros are into fat women because they’re the only one that can handle their huge bear dicks and huge bear cubs:
the reason the chubby protaganist is so sturdy is that she actually a secret princess bear:
bear bros know what to do when you accidentally make a girl think you’re fucking crazy by running around the woods naked:
THE BEARMEN CAN FUCKING TALK WHEN THEY ARE IN BEAR FORM I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I WAS IN TEARS OH MY FUCKING GOD
I love that I keep getting tagged in this post. It’s enough to make me want to buy the books for pure nostalgia. Also what was that other book you tagged me in the other day, I’m off to find it.
just a reminder that this won Canada’s highest literary honor
Sorry, no, that was just “Bear.”
‘ this won Canada’s highest literary honor‘ IDC IF THIS IS FAKE OMG.
no. just no. no no no no no.
Ok, but is it bad that I’m here for it because this is one of the very rare ass times we see fat women be desired in literature? Because that’s how fucking bad it is…
BUT Terry B. has really good books. I’ve bought a lot of them, I’m not ashamed to admit this. Almost ALL of her books feature big black women as the protagonists and while it is a wild concept (paranormal-shifter billionaire romances) Her stories actually have well written plots that are fun to read. So, yeah! Support a WOC!
Like there are TONS of paranormal romances that feature white girls that get taken seriously. Let’s not do this…
PAUSE. THIS IS A WOC WRITER WHO REGULARLY WRITES PLUS BLACK WOMEN?
“I’m sorry, honey”
This may be corny and all but come on, it sounds like a fun ride and the perfect junk reading.
as long as i am back on my own dash i would like to add that i ended up having to notificationblock this post because i got sick and fucking tired of my activity page getting clogged up with people bemoaning the death of literature and trying to give me a medal for having read a book that i clearly enjoyed?? as if i did not
immediately purchase the shit out of the book about a chubby accountant fucking a bearman, while being a chubby accountant (i do not fuck bearmen but that is mostly due to practical limitations, ie lack of bearmen)
read the entire thing in about three hours, immediately after purchasing the shit out of it
primarily and unironically complain that the bear sex was not weird enough
so anyway, anyone who bought this book as a result of this post has my blessings and also my regrets for not throwing an affiliate link up in here. anyone who reblogged this to complain about trying to publish their Very Serious Novel has my eternal disdain and also your book will probably be terrible and i hate it. also there is a series i keep seeing go on sale that is about lion shifter mafiosos and while i will probably never read it because i’m not into mafia porn please know that it exists if that’s something you’re into.
As small as the world 