For girls who find themselves in the words of Meg Abbott

crossroadsbela:

When I say girlhood I don’t think you understand what I mean  

When I say girlhood I mean the color pink, not for it’s subtly, but for the fact that it looked like old blood stains on lacy sheets

When I say girlhood I mean the girl I loved holding my hand and spritzing vanilla and brown sugar perfume behind my ears

When I say girlhood I mean converse tennis shoes and the sharpie in my hand as I doodled flowers and skulls  

When I say girlhood I mean flowers and skulls

I mean romanticizing abuse

 I mean dragging a comb through my teased up hair

I mean being 13 and laughing at the idea of prostitution

I mean falling for a boy whose name and eye color I no longer remember

I mean cuts hidden under skirts and heating up bobby pins to press them to my skin

I mean wondering loudly in the halls about orgasms

When I say girlhood I mean disgust mixed with naive wonderment

I mean wide eyes and cruel words

I mean screaming at my father and enjoying the fact that I knew how to make him cry  

When I say girlhood I mean learning the word lust from a girl whose father had pried apart her wishbone legs every other night

I mean learning the word ‘cunt’ from the same girl

I mean learning to cringe from every adult man I met

I mean looking away with a blush hoping that their eyes followed me

I mean hoping that their wives saw

I mean learning that the world is not so pretty, darling

When I say girlhood I mean harsh reality

I mean tampon and razors and the color pink everywhere

On our lips, on our cheeks, our dresses, our bed spreads, blatant on the mouths of all those who dared to take a bite out of us

 When I say girlhood I mean don’t worry, baby girl you’ll be past it soon and one day you’re going to look back and you’ll write a poem about it

Baby doll, you’re going to laugh

-L.D.